sweet-ruin.net
8th January, 2008
Currently listing to Shoot Your Gun by 22-20s

Happy 2008 at all. Hope your New Year celebrations were good and fun. To be honest, mine weren't. They started off okay, but then I started to feel sick from what I was drinking, and the night sort of went downhill from there. then we started to play a game called "I've never...", which involves going around the circle, and one person says something that they haven't done eg. 'I've never been to another country' and those that have done it, drink. Of course, on New Years when alcohol is involved, the statements are all of a sexual nature, and I started to feel uncomfortable. Not because sex as a topic makes me uncomfortable, but one of my boyfriend's... well, it's not even his ex, it's a girl he made out with a few times a few years ago, and she wanted to root him badly, but he said no. anyway, I didn't even care that she was there, he's my boyfriend now. but all her 'I Never' statements seemed to allude to her and him being together, or him and I having sex. and then of course she had to say "I've never lost my virginity to anyone in this room" which meant I had to drink, because I did lose my virginity to my boyfriend. but then she's like "oh, did he break you in, how old are you?" but her reaction to my answer was the point I was ready to snap and say "no, he did not 'break me in' it was a loving, comforting, happy and close moment, and one that happened when it felt right. and for you to make it sound so common, as if I was a horse or something, I don't appreciate it. and so what if I was 22 when it happened. I'd rather be older and have it mean something then do it for the sake of doing it" but I didn't say anything, for fear that I'd have personally attacked her in my response. plus, it would have ruined the mood of the party. so I was relieved when she and her friend went inside for more drinks, and ended up staying inside. but then my boyfriend said he'd go inside and get a drink and come back out, and it didn't happen. he just stayed inside, and I could hear them talking and laughing. it was at this point my night started to truly go downhill. again, i don't care if he talks to others. but at the time, when i'd been feeling crap after the game, it hurt that he would rather talk to her than me. and then later on we were going to go to bed (and sleep) and he says 'oh I'll be back I'm just going to get my phone'. and, you guessed it, he doesn't return for about 3 hours. now, he may be drunk, but it does not take that long to find a phone. so, in essence, the whole night was ruined. which sucked, because I'd looked forward to the night for a couple of weeks prior. and so my boyfriend and I started the new year in fight mode. to the point where he wanted to go on a temporary break. and then we fought over that too. but now we're not going on a break. but, I'm now feeling like I'm walking on eggshells around him. anyway, sorry I ranted for so long. I just needed to get it all out.

Onto happier stuff
Just spent most of tonight stalking One Tree Hill sites. I've been trying to get my hands on season 4, but Australia sucks in that department. We're only up to season 3. I would buy an American copy, but I'm trying to save my money. So I've been at home a lot lately, and playing lots of Sims 2, with the University expansion pack. Which, I've decided, is probably the most boring, but all other expansion packs cause my laptop graphics card to throw up the Blue Screen of Death, and nothing I do changes it. I would love to play the Seasons expansion pack, it was wicked, the 10 minutes play I managed to get out of it before having to uninstall it :(

Anyhow, I feel exhausted after my long new year's rant, so I'm going to head off to bed. A long day of Sims 2 awaits. I realised today I play the game too much; when I used Photoshop before I kept moving the mouse around like one does in Sims 2, to view different areas.

To everyone from Despair I haven't commented on yet. I shall. But the first long rant has kept my away from the computer due to having to work things out

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Plugs: Nan, Lisa, Toya, Robmarie, Rawllie, Sydney, Angelica, Sara, Nina, Olivia, Olivia, Candy, Kimberly, Aileen


16 December, 2007
So. It's almost 2008. I can't believe how fast this year has gone. I also can't believe how much has happened to me this year. I finally got a decent job, started saving, and just tried a lot of new things.

As usual, I can never think of what to write when it comes to blogging. So anyway, I got HIM tickets. For Melbourne and Perth. However, I'm not sure if I want to go to the Perth one anymore. Perth is expensive to fly to.

And right now, I'm not sure if I want to fly there anymore. I want to move out of home next year, and I'm trying to save. My aim is to move out in June next year. I think I just really need to. Yes, I like my parents, but I'm just over having to always run by someone what I'm doing. I just want to be able to do what I want, when I want. I just need to. The best analogy I can think of is something my driving instructor said to me "you don't learn to drive until you drive by yourself". well, I figure living out of home is the same thing. you can't learn about yourself while you're restricting who you really are around your parents. And that is why I'm moving out. It's time.

But anyway, I was listening to the radio the other day, and there was a segment about 'what you would tell your 15 year old self'. There's so much I would. I would tell myself that 'you don't need those girls as your friends', 'you should do media studies instead of music', 'your year 8 ID photo was really pretty'. That is all. I'm hungry and it's lunchtime :)

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